Olivia, a pupil at Christ Church, Chorleywood entered my writing competition to create an exciting story in under 500 words, inserting the phrase, “It’s raining in Moscow and I forgot my umbrella”.
Things to look out for in Olivia’s story:
1. Fabulous scene setting in the first paragraph – we certainly know what sort of family Charlotte comes from.
2. plush terracotta cushions - great use of adjectives.
3. My heart sank into the lowest part of my soul – fantastic description, this girl is truly in despair!
4. Olivia created an excellent opportunity to use the key phrase.
A Train Ticket, by Olivia
Looking down at the streets below, I perched on my delicately polished windowsill, palms sweating at the thought of being sent to boarding school. Father insisted on me going and Mother was petrified, even thinking of interrupting Father.
“Charlotte tea’s nearly ready,’’ said Mary.
Mary was one of our servants at Derbyshire Manner. She was always so kind and helpful. It was coming up to the end of June which meant it was rather warm. We were having venison and roasted potatoes; the potatoes seemed a little undercooked. Father sent me upstairs to my room because I did not pull my pinkie out when I drank my tea.
He said, “You shall learn to have manners at Maryanne’s Preparatory School for Young Ladies,’’ so I got up and left.
“Posture!’’ Mother shouted. I immediately straightened my back and strutted out of the dining room like a peacock.
My bedroom was through the painting room, where I felt all my troubles fade away into darkness. A huge diamond chandelier hung from the ceiling like a sleeping bat, and the plush terracotta cushions invited me onto my grand four-poster-bed. I decided to keep myself occupied so I clenched the gold handle and pulled out my drawer with force. Inside was my Classical French Needle Point. The handle of my door slowly moved. It was Mother.
“Your Father has written to Maryanne’s Preparatory School, they have offered you a place and we have accepted it,’’ Mother said rather choked.
“No!’’ I screamed in agony.
“Yes. Now go to sleep.’’
My heart sank into the lowest part of my soul. I lay in bed questioning my life choices, then tied twelve long sheets together and flung them out of the window. I snatched five hundred pounds from my purse and slid down the tail of sheets.
It was nearly midnight, and I did not recognise anything. On a building I saw a sign that said, ‘Moscow, £6 for a train ticket’. I was so engrossed in reading this mesmerising sign that I did not see where I was going.
“Oh dear, I’m so dreadfully sorry,’’ I said.
A girl about my age and height was standing in front of me. We looked at each other for a short period of time. She was wearing a long poncho down to her ankles and looked very scruffy.
“What’s your name?’’ I spoke.
She replied, “Adelaide, what’s yours?’’
I could tell she was not from a wealthy family like me. “Charlotte, were you looking at going to Moscow?’’ I asked.
“I wish but I can’t afford it,’’ she said whilst brushing one of her golden locks behind her ear.
“I can, we can go together if you want?’’ I said, secretly hoping she’d say yes.
“Alright!”
We got on the next train and we talked about our pasts. As we got off the train, we felt the cold wind hit us like a ton of bricks. It’s raining in Moscow and I forgot my umbrella.
CONGRATULATIONS OLIVIA! Keep writing, you have talent. 😊
If you would like to read the original, “It’s Raining in Moscow and I Forgot my Umbrella”,
Customer Review 5.0 out of 5 stars Don't miss this great story! Billy will steal your heart! Manya will have you routing for her from the first page. If you love a story that grips you from start to finish with characters you can identify with, you will love this book. What a unique setting with twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat. It is a story that can be enjoyed at any age. I can't wait for the sequel.
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